Spotless

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If you were to select a number between [0, 1] – what is the probability of selecting 0.00000243332? I’d say – the probability is 0! It is possible to select it – but not probable 😐 The word has had a wrong connotation to it all through history, and people need to start using “possibly” instead of “probably”!

Mohammad Reza Rajati, (My Favorite) Statistics Professor @ USC

I was planning to write my next post about the book “A Promised Land” by Barack Obama. It is taking a much longer time than I expected. So, here I am – with a thousand different thoughts circling my head, and a blank laptop screen – let’s write something today. Yaay!

Market St. San Francisco

I am happy in my life finally. I don’t have bad dreams anymore.

I don’t know how long this period will last, but I am getting used to this state of mind. 

I wish we could travel back in time and change stuff. There is so much that I would want to change – the mean things I spoke, the way I misbehaved, the way I treated myself and others around me – I want to just amend everything. I am sure everyone has such thoughts – but there is no point in regretting, so let’s talk about something else 🤷‍♀️

Do you ever feel like a blank slate? Empty? Spotless? Free?! 

A slate that has finally been washed, and who just got rid of months of accumulated dust.

Have you ever thought about how pandemic has been a life-altering experience for almost everyone alive on this planet? A complete lifestyle shift! A lifestyle that our grand-(grand)-parents were quite used to, but for us – it was so challenging to be inside the walls for days and months and years now. How modernization has completely deprived humans of spending quality time with their own selves!

A year later, I find myself to be in a much better position. I am proud of all the progress I have made.

My writing has evolved, I started reading more, the artist in me is flourishing, my cooking skills have drastically improved, I have surprisingly developed a fond interest in other countries, their culture, food, and their political position.

Onboarding and working remotely at a new company was such an unusual adventure.

I got time to connect with many old friends whom I had not talked to in years. I changed cities – started living alone finally.

I cried and cried and cried for months – struggled with my mental health, made dozens of blind calls to my friends, and cried without stating a damn reason.

I saw myself grow into a happier version of myself.

And today I have a little confession to make – I was in Love and it didn’t go well! I won’t be exaggerating if I say – He came into my life when I most needed him. I didn’t realize I was sliding down a black hole when he came rushing in and pulled me out of it.

With him, I always found myself smiling and laughing at the most ridiculous jokes. I was the happiest when he cooked for me, and I could accompany him for five different meals he had during the day.

There was a prolonged period after our break up that I kept clinging on to him. He was like a beloved song that I kept going back to even when it had become an old tune. It had to stop – and I had to let it go. I don’t think the words could ever capture the emotions I felt – but it had to happen. “Please, move on” is heavy for any relationship to handle.

For someone who had been in dark for so long, he was like a bright ray of sunlight. He taught me the self-guiding rules to brighten my own life. With everything that I have learned, it’s not dark anymore even though he is long gone. To my ex – If you are reading this – I still hate you for leaving me, but I love you for making me love myself.

Nowadays my stance on relationships is – “Men don’t deserve me!” 😁

As the readers may have already observed, I am a hopeless romantic 🤧. No one usually talks about mental health and well-being. It’s so essential to fill in that gap in our society, especially in current times. I know how much talking has helped me get out of the riot I was stuffed in, and I can vouch for how effective it is to speak out. Talking will never solve your problem, but it will bring extreme clarity. So don’t hesitate, speak out – to me / therapist / friend / parent / stranger / stalker / lover / enemy / anyone – just speak! Feel free to reach out to me.

Okaaaaah! This was me – raw, unplanned, unfiltered, unedited. I enjoyed writing this, I should do this more often. It took me 15 minutes to write this whole thing – funny how my brain can dump thoughts on paper so quickly 💚

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