Hello all! Last week was my 25th Birthday! Yaaaaayy!!! I am not one of those who regrets getting older, I celebrate the fact that I am one year wiser. I had no-one to celebrate my birthday with. I do not want to sugarcoat it and say that I enjoyed the big day alone/independently and I feel blessed. I mean, sure no doubt there are people out there who enjoy spending time alone on their birthday – I am certainly not one of them. Yes, it was unfortunate. I won’t be exaggerating if I say that Covid is making me downright crazy.
Making friends, bonding with a group was always anyway a big challenge for me. Then enter Covid – fucking Covid! I hug myself every night before going to sleep, for everything I am going through. I tell myself that I am strong. No matter how many times I soothe myself for being pathetic, it all comes down to hours of crying under my pillow. I lost my voice, my strength, my most cherished memories, and now my fucking mental health is taking a toll on my memory. I didn’t even realize how this whole episode has made me insensitive. My head hangs heavy on my shoulders, and I stare at my ceiling trying to remember that one thing that crossed my mind.
Maturity is when you realize no one is going to come, wipe your tears, and tell you to be strong. It has to be you! These fucking problems will never stop. Before writing this post, I had my hour-long troubled weekend sobbing session. I had to pull myself out of it because no one of going to do it for me. It’s like being your parent. You don’t eat, you starve. You don’t ignore the music in your head, next thing you know – you have already wasted an hour and it’s time to sleep. You try to sleep and you cry more. It just goes on and on – until you finally feel lighter after all the crying, and stumble into sleep.
Mental Health issues are genuine. Lets’ normalize talking about it. People suffering from it require some support and a lot of love. Lets’ break our boundaries and comfort them. If you know anyone in your group who is suffering, go hug them and tell them that you understand (even if you don’t). Be generous and assist whenever possible. Helping someone heal will in turn bring you good karma.
Gayatri sent over this cake on my birthday. Ironically, we never even met. She is also a USC Grad, but I didn’t know her during my time at the university. She pinged me after reading a couple of my blog posts. I admit she is one of the sweetest things to have happened to me in 2020.
And I visited the Chinatown District of San Francisco. Broadcasting some of the best pictures in my gallery –
Ending Thoughts ~ There is this thing about privilege, it makes you stagnant. For someone down below, they have a Northstar. People on the top are the ones who have to carve out their direction.
I am hopeful. Waiting patiently for better times to come. Lockdown is coming to an end, and I plan to visit other new exciting places and meet plenty of new people.
Don’t lose your creativity during this time of crisis and struggle. Fight and evolve!